ME: So what’s been happening over at your place the past couple of days?

NICK: Ah, we lost another one. Jim Gallagher. He was only here two months and then he hit the silk.

ME: (OMG, ‘Hit the silk…’) That’s sad.

NICK: I tell ya what’s sad – the hot roast beef sandwiches they serve here. “Hot” they’re “Not.” They should call them “Cold Roast Beef Sandwiches.”

ME: Well bring it back to your apartment and heat it in the microwave.

NICK: They had ’em tonight. I just went down to the dining room and had a salad with the girls. Then went up and had some leftover veal that Kathy sent me.

ME: The girls like eating with you, huh?

NICK: Oh yeah. Especially Elvira. She likes me.

ME: Maybe Elvira should be your girlfriend.

NICK: Oh no, no, no. She’s too old for me. She’s 95. I can’t have a girlfriend who’s older than I am.

ME: Well at 94 does it matter?

NICK: Hell yes it matters. Now Marie Osmond, SHE could be my girlfriend.

ME: I’ll try to hook that up for you.

NICK: You work at the GRAMMYs. Pull some strings.