Today my dad informed me that his not-girlfriend, Elvira (the 95 year old), is on a diet. She doesn’t want to be fat like Mary and Edna so she only eats salads at lunch. This was disheartening for me to know that, even at 95, I’ll feel like I need to diet. As opposed to my mom, who ate a box of Ding Dongs a week. ‪#‎ThanksElvira‬